Step 2 Ladies ....... and this is vital! Every socialite MUST have these three characteristics; Charm, Confidence, Loyalty and Grace. By being charming and enchanting, you have to draw them in. You can bring a horse to water but you cannot make him drink it! Your mere presence in a social setting shows people you are ready and willing to interact, but if they do not want to interact with you your time in this game will end! Charm will keep others intrigued with your presence and it will leave them wanting more (aka they will be excited to see you at the next social outing). I am speaking from experience, once people start seeing you out whether or not you speak the first time is up to God, but whether or not they speak to you the second sighting is up to your charm! When I say confidence I mean strong and meaningful eye contact! Staring into someone's eyes meaninglessly will not only get you weird looks, but people will not want to interact with you once again ... congrats, you just lost your charm.

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Always remember, people can smell fear! So all those spritz of COCO Mademoiselle you sprayed before you stepped out will be sprayed in vain if all they can smell on you is your discomfort! BUT, with genuine and meaningful confidence you can make amazing eye contact and own the souls of those you interact with ... just kidding... no but really though. To me confidence also requires some form of intelligence. I'm not telling you to be "fake" I’m telling you to be multi-dimensional. As you go through the room (or stand by the wall), you must remember that each interaction is unique because each person is unique. There is nothing and no one person more annoying than an un-genuine, crowd hopping, dip and dabbing, socialite who gives everyone they meet the same shpeal! Show the world all the different sides of who you are and make sure that each interaction matches the vibrations that are being given off by the other person. For example, as you make your way through the room keep your comments conservative, capitalistic, and above a certain IQ level when conversing with the "bougie girls", keep your comments fun, flirty, yet mysterious around the "frats" and laugh at all their jokes so you can feed their ego and make them think that somehow your presence is an asset to them. After that display of charm and confidence (multi-dimensionalism) you would have conquered two social groups who will be delighted to see you again the next time you see them!

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Last but certainly NOT least, Grace. This is huge for me. Everywhere I go I try to exude grace in my walk, in my appearance, and in my speech. You can be loud and still be graceful, you can be all over the room and still be graceful, but the natural moderation that discerns your actions is what will make everything you do acceptable and likeable. There is an ora about grace that is so enchanting it will have people "whispering while staring" as you walk by. Grace is natural elegance, your nonchalant poise is the icing on the cake as you walk away from an interaction that you just nailed. I like to think of grace as providing the individual with a sense of mystery as well. "Who is she?" "Look at her, why have I not seen her before?" and most importantly, "When will I see her next?"

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Step 3 : You must know where you've come from to know where you are going.  As I began to hone the social light within me I could not help but wonder about black socialites of the past (here is where my nosiness kicked in), and being that I am an African-American history nerd I began to pay close attention to and look deeper into the social aspect of everyday life for African-American women of the past. Come to find out none of this was new! I learned of all the wonderful social organizations created back in the day and all the contributions these women made towards society (there goes that multi-dimensionalism I was speaking of earlier) Without proper research and education, further movement forward is like driving to a destination you have never before without proper directions... you're going somewhere but not necessarily where you are supposed to be going. The black socialite was born the minute we were set free, and ever since then we have dominated social scenes while dominating the classrooms and dominating the business and political world any and every way that we could! The black socialite revolutionized and redefined the term "Socialite" and the history of it all is nothing short of remarkable.....well, find out for yourself!

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XOXO,

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